Outpouring-catharsis

  Watching a FRIENDS episode where Joey turns 30 and exclaims, "Why, God? Why? We had a deal! Let the others grow old, not me!" always brought laughter, and I used to think, "What's the big deal about turning 30?" until today. It's 1:31 am, and the joke's on me. I'm actually asking, "Why, God, why? Couldn't you wait a little longer? We had a deal! By 30, I was supposed to be an independent and content woman with savings and investments, a flourishing career, and well-traveled.  30th 😂 Have I achieved any of that? I've been reflecting, and I'm not sure if I am what I aspired to be by 30. For the past few months, I've had this eerie feeling during the wee hours. I think to myself: I have a good-paying job, yet I'm always broke. No savings and investments. I have the career I always wanted, yet I'm not content. I am independent, yet I am lonely. I want to get married, yet I am afraid of attachment. I relish being alone, yet...

Dearest Ajarn, Lately, I have been pondering about my two years stay in Hat Yai and what I will miss the most after going back. Without a doubt, the opportunities you bestowed on me beyond our advisor-advisee relationship came gushing through my memory lane and those moments are profound as they shaped me into becoming an assertive and empathetic woman.  I came here without much expectations but then to give my best in completing the study. First year was tedious as I was bombarded with new concepts and it was all academic day in and day out which actually helped me in laying a firm foundation for my research. I should confess that with each semester there was a mounting pressure to identify our research interest, in particular, the research topic. I was still confuddled and stressed for not being able to find one research topic until our meeting.    Weekend Excursion with Ajarn (Thank you) Everything sailed swiftly after our first meeting as you took me under your wings ...

  Eccentric Relationship with My Body      As a kid, I remember my mom’s friends saying “If only I was born a day or two late from the due date, I would have been a boy”, I still don’t understand the logic though. But fair enough, their comment was valid. As a kid, I never conformed to the default demeanor of being a girl. While my girlfriends were playing with dolls and fancied wearing elaborated skirts, I was feisty and constantly on run, playing with my brothers. I was adventurous, outdoorsy-just liked playing (which is not a girly thing to do I guess). I am not sure being coy and demure represents femineity, either it is a societal expectation or an orthodox rationale imposed on us.     Drama competition       “If only I was born a day or two late from the due date, I would have been a boy”      When I was in secondary school, I used to have short hair, (if you are a girl by default you need to have long silky ha...

I will be 27.  Lately, I have been retrospecting about the yesteryears; my formative years.  At 27 am I really happy? Is this what I wanted?  I don't have any definite answers to any of the questions, I can only say I started off without having any concrete aim. Born to a mother who was barely a girl herself, uneducated, and bonded in the karmic cycle of struggle, life wasn't a bed of roses for both of us. It still gives me chill when I think about the life my mother had to lead- young, and vulnerable. Despite everything working against her, I have always admired her resilience and courage to rise above adversity. I don't know if I have my mother's astute and bravery to overcome such difficulties. Lost her husband, my father to an unfortunate accident, it's unfathomable to think what she might have been through. Those days, for a woman, her only way to break the societal cage was by marrying and moving in with her husband. The moment she gets married, she is indefin...

" After the Fall, You Need to Rise" “I am sorry! You aren’t in the top 36”, either I heard it wrong or I didn’t want to comprehend what my friend just told me. I remember walking like a lump of flesh through Norzim Lam to the taxi parking, feeling totally devastated, numb and deserted. I couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t make it, was still in the denial stage. I started questioning myself, how can this happen to me? Where did it go wrong? What wasn’t enough in my preparation? These rattling questions came one after another, to which I didn’t have any answers as I gave my best, I burnt the flaming midnight oils, dedicated all my time in preparation and referred every relevant note, and Yes! Read all the God damn thick history books. So where did I falter, what could have been done more? Many questions, unsettling thoughts, and the world seemed like falling apart and ending just before my eyes. How do I face my parents? How do I tell them about my failure?...

                            “A Teacher from Heart, My savior” Teachers play a vital role in the lives of the students. Teachers are best known for the role of educating the students that are placed in their care. Of many attributes of being a teacher, I believe that a teacher should be passionate, empathetic and committed to arousing the determination and aspiration of students. Passionate teachers are distinguished by their commitment to achievement of their students. A committed teacher is concerned with the development of their students and they profoundly struggle in sustaining the students’ learning. They cultivate students’ curiosity and interest in learning. And I am fortunate to have come across such a teacher, who engaged not only in her profession but was committed to students’ development and their learning during my secondary school. ...